It was President Clinton who said, during one of his presidential campaigns, that he “did not inhale” when he appeared to have smoked marijuanna in his youth. That never sat right with me. Why does a person have to counter accusations made against past views or practices that he or she has since clearly repudiated? It bothers me every time the media uncovers some dark secret from the college years of a politician. Frankly, I hate the mindset that says that what a person said and did 20 years ago is what the person would say or do today. It leaves no room for repentance, growth and personal progress.
This blog began as an attempt to work out my scattered and conflicting thoughts in the aftermath of a failed ministry in New Mexico. Broke and struggling to keep the family afloat financially and my mind in one piece, I started blogging from time to time. I think I had a blog before this one, in 2005, but my soul was in such chaos at the time that I can’t even be certain about that.
Slowly and uncertainly I found my footing again and have been surprised to find myself back in the path of discipleship and even seeking to be in active ministry. From time to time I’ve thought about going back and deleting the old posts, covering my shame and hiding the misery of those days. After all, what if some church considering financially supporting my ministry to Brazilians finds this blog and cuts off support because of past comments? It would be one matter to be rejected for what I currently believe, and quite another to be condemned for what I said during some of my darkest hours.
It’s not like I ever said anything evil, but some things could be misconstrued as being my current beliefs and approach.
There are skeletons in my closet, but I have decided to keep the doors open. They are there and help the transition I’ve gone through make sense, so I will not get rid of them.